wading pool

This is my one hundred and first blog.
reading over them i see my growth.
i see how i changed.
i see when i became a women.
or more womanly.
more crazy.
more scary.
more depressing.
i see when i became myself.
the old me was naive.
the old me was scared of me.
but now I'm out.
I'm out of that shell.
of course its my favourite dress up.
i wear it most of the time.
but i can sleep in my own skin.
i can smile outside of the shell.
i have a smile.
I CAN SMILE!
i feel like I've just seen the sky for the first time.
everyone used to bring me down.
everything.
but somehow i found out how to float.
i learnt to swim.
i used to drown in my sorrows,
and now i wade in them and wait to find the land.
and maybe,
just maybe,
there's land ahoy.
touch wood for me guys.
I'm sailing into shore.
deep breaths.
wish me luck.
niah xx