my end

okay.
i have come to a conclusion.
i have been tossing up my beliefs for a while,
deciding what is fact,
what is fiction
and what is just a load of crap
to me.
TO ME
thats important.
whats a load of crap to me could be fact to another,
now im not here to tell people that what i say is the bible,
because derr of course its not.
but here is what i believe about death.

wel first here is what i don't believe.
reincarnation.
i want to
i want to come back
i want to believe that i will
but i dont
and heres why.

I wanted to believe in stuff like reincarnation, but being on a farm makes it hard, because there's so much death. I couldn't quite believe that all those locusts and European wasps and mosquito wrigglers in the tank got reincarnated, and if they didn't, then why should people? What made us so special?

THE NIGHT IS FOR HUNTING - John marsden

Okay now for what i believe.
the light.
the light is love.
un-diluted love
the purest purest love there is
and it shines like the light of a million stars
and it guides you to peace
you follow it and you rest in peace
where you go, well
i don't believe you go anywhere
people say that you are looked down on
to me thats fiction
the dont look down
they look out
for you and of you
small parts of them live inside you
and they look out for you
and when you talk to them
they listen
but their soul is at peace
in the light that you made them.
and hell,
hell is here
on earth
where no one can see you
or talk to you
and because no one had any love to guide you
no one wants to see you
and you are alone
stuck in loneliness forever
just there
by yourself
floating
waiting
but for nothing
because nothing is coming
or going
or happening
you just watch
but there is no one that you could want to watch
because they dont love you
not enough to guide you
and if you watch them
there is nothing you can do
but watch
stuck inside your head
cant talk
cant live
just existing
never at peace
never at ease
alway just existing
stuck in a pit of troubles and despair and pain
no one loves you
no one misses you
no one cares for you
its like having LONER tattooed on your forhead
thats my hell
thats my heaven
and i know where i want to end up
and where id.....
i cant describe what it would be like
it makes me feel queezy
and sick
and just full on yuck.
bleh
vomit
yuck

and on that happy note
i say goodnight
:D
niah xx