ICE AGE 2 - the meltdown

ok last night i had a massive breakdown
everything i watched yesterday made me cry or made me mass sad
then when i went to bed i like well had a melt down
ask brandon, he was helping me.
i was going on about being a murderer and a killer
hold on ill re-write the texts
niah - Brandon? im scared
brandon - :O what are you scared about?!? Tell me!
niah - School Life Death Love Time Darkness Height Spiders Snakes Crying Sounds Difference Everything. I'm just so scared right now i'm so lost. noone can find me Bran
brandon - Babe im so sorry :S but you dont need to be scared. i'm here for you but im afraid thats all i can do right now coz im not so good with words. Why are you scared about it all?That might be a stupid question but it could be the only way i could help
niah - I'm such a waste of space, of air. The world is falling down around us and im making it worse. I'm a killer, im a murderer. im bad. wha do i do? help me
brandon - you're not a waste of space or air. if you were, do you think you would have friends that care so much about you? and how the hell are you a murderer? everyone lives for a purpose. were meant to enjoy life for as long as we can and not worry about whats gonna happen tomorrow. i think just dont think about things so deeply. sorry bad with words...
niah - you're great with words. you made me cry. bad words wouldnt make me cry. Every second an area the size of two soccer pitches gets logged abd im lying on a dead tree.i kill so many animals everyday gasses i make melt ice caps and flood homes and the poor little ants i step on. Babe tomorrow is everything xxxx
brandon - babe itll be hard to stop them from cutting down so many trees. So many people use all that stuff they dont need so its barely your fault. what makes you think about all of this? you make me worry when you worry. please dont worry. cheer up hunny youll live alot longer. i want you around for as long as i have to live.
niah - what makes you sure i wont die tomorrow? i dont want to die brandon. i dont like death. its mean and scary and too many things face it everyday too many animals and people.the world shouldnt be like this. the world should be healthy and a happy place but its not. you make me happy baby. you make me smile.
brandon - no you wont die tomorrow. god has a plan and a purpose for you. and death is just another way of continuing life. it goes on for a good amount of time and im pretty sure no one can change this. please smile babe. i dont know why youre worrying! and yes, life is to short to worry. so smile and enjoy it while i enjoy mine with you.

and it went on.
my question though is, is there something after death?
is there a heaven or a garden or an ocean or do you come back as something/someone else or is it a big black nothing. is death the end? or is it another chapter in your life? when your dead can you watch over alive loved ones? can you haunt people? my nan said she saw the light when she passed out once and that it was the most beautiful thing shed ever seen. so i believe there is a light but where does it lead? i wont find out but i have to ask. i dont want to go nowhere i want to live i want to live in death.
niah xx

when we journey home

when....

When i hold your hand
when you understand
when the cold wind blows
when suspicion grows
when we fall apart
when our new lives start
when night grows near
when empty is fear
when there's warmth in your eyes
when you clear up the skies
when our spirits break away
when we face the newest day
when we merge into one
when our lives have begun

Journey Home

The mountain range before us
tall and high and strong
weather wont deter us
our strides are big and fast and long
as we journey along this path
as we travel to the stars
our legs will guide us forward
no bus or wheels or cars.
but god will grant us wishes
of hope of dreams of new
but wishes are not needed
as long as I've got you

our hearts beat together
beat loud and proud and strong
fate wont deter us
our lives are big and fast and long
as our lives are leading forward
as our minds are winding back
we'll lie under the stars as one
our pillows are our packs
when we reach the peak of the mountain
ready to go home
i realised all of a sudden
that home is everywhere we roam
for as long as i am near you
palm in palm we stand
home is all around me
no fence no roof no land.


niah xx

the fear of being myself

today i went bowling with the fam
i totally suck at bowling
i mean im terrible
but when i was there the music was good as
it was like they had taken my old ipod and played it
it was awesome
and we were next to this asian family who were nice as
so i was sitting down waiting when miley cyrus's 'the climb' came on
and i was singing 'i can almost see it, that dreamim dreaming but there's a voice inside my head saying, youll never reach it' taya was singing too and then i looked to the asian family and one of the sons was singing too. so i started to laugh and smile because it was kinda funny that three of as sang at the same time and i was really proud of that kid because it was like brave for a guy to sing in public. like how many guys do that these days? in a weird way i was like proud. anyways this kid whos name started with s and for the sake of this blog i shall call him sam, but this sam i will remember forever and at least now i can read this if i forget. but i hope that more people can be themselves in public. you know that medibank add? thats like: whats freedom? freedom is sleeping in. freedom is dancing in public. <--- lets go dance in public, lets go be crazy and wear retro clothes and undies on our heads and peacock feathers sticking out of our pants and big guinness hats. yet we dont actually, we wear fashionable things and we dress up for down the road and even though i say it all the time i never go out in my pyjamas. why does our hair have to be done to go and have a coffee down the road? because we worry about what people think, we are worried about what people say about us. we are scared. shit man i am scared. but i dont want to be. i want to wear what i want and not have to be looked at strangely. i want to be myself and not care if people look at me weirdly. but im scared that ill never be able to do that. scared that im going to turn out to be that lady in the series of unfortunate events the eide window where that lady is scared of everything and anything. she ends up dying in the end and she has nothing. and her house is realy creepy too. she doesnt hold the door knob because shes scared itll fall and spray into her eyes and shes scared the fridge will fall on her. and she doesnt use the heater or oven because she doesnt want to get burnt. she was scared of everything, papercuts even and i dont want that to be me. i dont want to be scared but i am. fear is terribly annoying me right now.
niah xx


why not

You think you're going nowhere
when you're walking down the street
Acting like you just don't care
when life could be so sweet
So why you wanna be like that,
This is nothing new
You're not foolin no one
you're not even foolin you
So walk a little slower
and open up your eyes
sometimes its so hard to see
the good things pass you by
There may never be a sign
no flashing neon light
tellin you to make your move
or when the time is right (so)

why not (Why not)
take crazy chance
why not (Why not)
do a crazy dance
if you lose the moment
you might lose a lot
so why not why not

(why not take a crazy chance, why not take a crazy chance)

You always dress in yellow
when you wanna dress in gold
instead of listenin' to your heart
you do just what you're told
if you keep waiting where you are
oh what you'll never know
so let's just get into your car,
and go baby go! (so)

why not (Why not)
take crazy chance
why not (Why not)
do a crazy dance
if you lose the moment
you might lose a lot
so why not why not

Ohhhhh!I could be the one for you
Ohhh yeah! yes maybe no
Ohhh!! It could be the thing to do
all I'm sayin is you gotta let me know

Ah yaya yaya yayaya

You'll never get to heaven
or even to LA
if you don't beleive there's a way

(why not take a star from the sky
why not spread your wings and fly)

Oh! It might take a little
and it might take alot
But why not why not

why not
(take crazy chance)
take crazy chance
why not
(do a crazy dance)
do a crazy dance
if you lose the moment
you might lose a lot
so why not why not


coming clean

Let's go back
Back to the beginning
Back to when the earth, the sun, the stars all aligned

'Cause perfect didn't feel so perfect
Trying to fit a square into a circle
Was no life
I defy


Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
'Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean

I'm shedding
Shedding every color
Trying to find a pigment of truth
Beneath my skin

'Cause different
Doesn't feel so different
And going out is better
Then always staying in
Feel the wind

Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
'Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean

I'm coming clean
Let the rain fall
Let the rain fall
I'm coming...

Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
'Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean
Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
'Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean

Let's go back
Back to the beginning

toni's awesomeness

lol
incase you havnt already guessed
toni is pretty awesome
shes pretty cool
pretty different
pretty out-there
(omg i used to love that show)
pretty emo-ish
(in the best way possible of course)
pretty black
(clothes and make-up wise)
and shes pretty.
in my eyes shes freaking perfect
nice, pretty, tall, skinny,
thats a good criteria on my watch.
also shes like totally herself
so people remember her
whether its for something she did or said
or whether its because of her massive size
toni is hard to forget
well thats what i think
but she tries to sink in
she tries to be a nobody
she tries to be normal
but you see there is no such thing as normal
normal lives
normal days
normal hair
normal anything
it doesnt exist
because everyones version of normal is different
mine would be to finish school go to uni
get a job get married have some kids
that would be the plan
but people in tribes and stuff they wouldnt even know what a uni was
some people would just get any job they could find
so toni even though i totally did a crap explination
i just want you to know
i love you
i will always love you
and if you want to be normal
to me you already are
you are toni
and you are awesome
because you were born that way
you are how god made you
and i believe that your amazing
just the way you are
and even if this is gay as
and you hate me for it
its true
toni is awesome
toni is not normal
she is not average
she is toni
she is miss cernosa
she is herself
she is tall
she is funny
she is funky
she is strange
she is twisty
she is dark
but in the words of dr. derek shepherd

you say you're all dark and twisty, its not a flaw, its a strength, it makes you who you are

and on that note
i say good night
niah xx

I AM NOWHERE ~ I AM NOW HERE

pretty cool huh?
lol
i like it anyways
and for those of you who dont understand
there's a space between the w and the h
lol im not gay at all
i really like it though
in two sentences your lost and found again
no one can literally be nowhere
unless of course the place is named Nowhere
so you instantly feel uneasy
and then CABOOM your safe again
because you know where you are
you know where here is because you can see it
here is where you want it to be.
but then again, can you trust what you see?
there's a myth that everything we see is an illusion,
an illusion that everyone shares
isnt that scary?
everything we know and everything we knew is just an illusion
i dont like that myth
no sir
but it makes you think
you know that movie Horton Hears a Hoo?
what if that real?
what if we're a little speck on someones flower
*shudder*
it better be a pretty flower
shit imagine how big that world would be
itd have to fit our whole universe in it
ewwewwewwewwewwewwewwewwewwwww
i dont like this blog
im going to end it there.
whilst im still sane
thatnks for reading
niah xx

unpredictable

heyhey
youll be glad to know im not as scared anymore
haha i kinda feel stupid. i mean i was terrified, i felt like i had betrayed him, and in one sentence he cleared it all up, all the confusion and fear all went away.
in this life i have learnt, well alot, but mainly that people are unpredictable, feelings and around about everything in this world is unpredictable. And maybe then we should tell everyone the truth, maybe then we should do whats right, maybe then we should say how we feel and hope that the person recieving your information will surprise you, they will be unpredictable. and if not then screw them. im sorry to say i havnt picked up any feathers, not that i have walked much, but still.
i hope you like these lyrics. Next time i think ill show you a few more of my poems.
niah xx

Welcome to my life- Simple Plan

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life


Running- Evermore

too many words
too many lies
i can't quite see the truth
when i look into your eyes
i feel I'm cured
and i know i should
step away turn around
let my feet hit the ground
...running, running, running, running...
you don't need a broken heart
to know one can be broken
you just need to open your eyes.. yeah
we don't need to be decieved
to know a lie can be spoken
we don't have to learn everything twice
I don't know
I really don't know
If this castle in the sand
is strong enough to stand
i feel I'm cured
and i know i should
step away turn around
Let my feet hit the ground
...running, running, running, running...
you don't need a broken heart
to know one can be broken
you just need to open your eyes.. yeah
we don't need to be decieved
to know a lie can be spoken
we don't have to learn everything twice
Coz i know
how it feels
all the pain
is so real
coz u sink
and you drown
till your feet hit the ground
...running, running, running, running...
coz you don't need a broken heart
to know a heart can be broken
you just need to open your eyes.. yeah
we don't need a tv show
to tell us which way to go
we just need to do what we know
woah woah woah
woah woah woah
woah woah woah
woah woah woah

i dont need some official claim over him, all i need is to know his hearts with me

i love you jayjay