replaced

well i think you can count on me not to blog everyday
haha
well over the last few days...
nothing much happened at all
i havnt foound my blazer
i havnt done anything particularily great either
i went to my uncles house
well not his house
the house that he rents because he works in the city
and works about an hour away
smart man that one
his rented house thing that i will call his house is
the most awesome place ever
its quite skinny but heaps long and its really beautiful
the man that hes renting off makes hoola-hoops
like the good ones that are made for your weight and height
that the circus people use?
yeah well them
and the house is next to this factory that got burnt down ages ago
so the brick frame has these amazing vines twirling around them
and there is such a story there its beautiful.
when we got there mum was like 'oh we should live here when tim moves out'
and i was thinking that she was joking,
we have perfectly fine house at home
then i realised we dont
we are getting kicked out soon
so i get really freaked out
i didnt want this place as a home
i mean it was beautiful and everything
but it wasnt home
there is only one home for me
and its not going to be mine anymore
its really not that nice to think about.
leaving all my memories that i have
all the times where i had nan with me
and i have to give it up
give them up
give her up
none of which im ready to do
i have a life there
where else can i go?
what else can i do?
poppy is buried there
lady is burried there
i am burried there
my life is burried there
my foundation, my beggining and what i thought was going to be my end
is my house
i dont want some random relpacing me
replacing us
replacing what my nan made special for our whole family
replacing all that i know.
i dont want to move into a new neighbourhood
into someone elses room
where someone else lived
and cooked
and slept
and cried
and laughed
and did whatever they wanted.
thats not where i perticularily want to be
not where i want to have to fit in.
only the known things are safe
and here i am venturing into the unknown
how stupid am i?