reading old text messgaes,
old jokes and old words and old smiles.
Whispering thanks to people i didnt know were there,
and chatting away to the people in the air,
and pressing hard on my chest just to feel my heart beat,
to feel proof that i'm alive, that this is not a hoax,
not a dream or a story or a fairytale with a happy ending,
every fairytale contains love,
focusses on love,
every fairytale builds itself on love,
just a feeling,
but not a feeling one come past often,
a feeling one wont came past enough.
love. its what drives us all.
love for our brother, love for our cousin, love for our parents,
Our One True Love.
She wanted to fall in love this summer, thinking that love was just some other form of entertaining fun, like scuba diving or sunbathing. Another cool thing to do at the beach. but it wasnt. It was dangerous. Without love you couldnt have pain. Without love you couldnt have loss. Grief. Emptiness. Love made it all possible.
Thats how i feel. Except for the emptiness bit because without love you would be empty. without love wed all be empty and cold and wed all be dead because we would never have cared for this world that we live in and we would have either blown eachother up and never have cared for the 3rd world country and there wouldnt be doctors because no one would care enough to look after people and no one would have jobs and everyone would be fat and lazy like the americans. No offense to the americans i know youre all not fat but im in a bad mood right now. Arnie my little baby died and im still trying to get over it. whats worse is that i found him.i was cleaning out the tank and i knew he was missing but i thought bubbles ate him (see canibalism for more details) and i was taking out the pebbles and then i was like "DDAADD" and there he was, with no eyes and a hole in his chest which was empty. literally, it was empty. kinda significant if you think about it. The heart and the eyes where the first things to go. the eyes that could no longer see, the heart that could no longer beat. and my mum didnt even care about it. she was just like "its just a fish" and i just wanted to scream "NO ITS NOT! thats my baby i just burried, my responsibility, my little arnie whom i will never see again, not his cute little eyes that nudge the glass when hes hungry, well he left most of the nudging up to annie who i think was his lady fish, but you know, she could be with elroy, i dont study them enough to know that. but either way arnie liked to take the backseat, stay up hte back, get what hes given and never complain if he was hungry, which is probably what killed him, didnt fight for food and ended up starving because of it. My lovely little Arnie. I hope ill see you again one day my love, and i promise to try and take more care of Annie Elroy Ernie Wally Polly Sandra Blah Blah and Bubbles for you. rest in peace my love and give Petunia a kiss for me.
^... that was a quote from a book i just read called Beach Blondes by Katherine Applegate. Good easy read if you're looking for some fun. Just a heads up, its 721 pages. But it only took me 5 days so thats got to count for something. Ha not really. I'm a fast reader. Thats not being up myself or anything I'm just fast. I guess its because i put so much time aside for it. well anyways.
Thanks for reading.
Niah xx
Walking Blind
Is love blind or does it help you see?
See the beauties and wonders of how life can be?
Show that life always has its ups and downs?
Show a problem cant be solved with a frown?
Start the heart beating in an unusual way,
Because it stops when i hear all the words that you say?
Should i see your soul when i look in your eyes?
Start to sense and know when you are telling me lies?
Dream everynight about you an me?
Because this is love and you have made me see.
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